I’m relating to Paul in this passage these days:

“Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches.  Who is weak, and I do not feel weak?  Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?” (2 Cor 11:28-29)

People sometimes ask me what I feel is the hardest part of my life here.  I think they usually expect to hear something about mosquitos or the heat or slum dogs.  But most of the time it doesn’t have to do with physical circumstances at all.  It’s seeing people I love and whom God loves turn away from him and toward lesser gods.

It’s watching a young believer allowing money to be her master, gambling all day instead of taking care of her sick two-year-old.

It’s witnessing a leader deceive many by her charism, a smile and eloquent words erasing the memory of wrongs not yet made right.

Felt the heaviest these days, it’s seeing church leaders lie to themselves, their church members and the Lord about where the offering money is going.  It’s discovering money given to God by slum dwellers has ending up in the pockets of a volunteer church leader.

It’s realizing how many of us (myself included) have in small and large ways enabled and even invited this kind of sin.

This has been a season of both celebrating the new life God is bringing in our midst and mourning over the brokenness that has been revealed.  But I take hope that all of it is the Lord’s work.  I would rather the mourning and repentance over sin brought into the light, than a half-hearted smile to cover up a lie.  It is the Lord’s kindness that leads us to repentance, it is his mercy that refuses to allow us to deceive ourselves.  While it can feel like we are falling apart, really this is just the first step of letting God heal us.  None of this sin is new; this has been going on for years and God has known about every day of it.  But now in his timing he is doing the work of a good physician.  Unapologetic for the pain, he is removing our feeble attempts at a bandage and is applying his truly healing balm.

Pray that each of us, our leaders and church members would yield to his firm but loving touch.

Before we started doing community organizing in my slum I had never seen Gop (pictured refereeing a kids game) in a leadership position or doing anything to bring about change there.  This definitely wasn’t due to apathy, though.  When I started asking people questions about what life was like there and especially about the conditions for their kids, Gop was among the most outspoken and discontent.

She, along with most everyone I talked to, believed that nobody but themselves really cared, and that nobody would want to work together on anything.

It sounded also like she doubted both her ability to do much and whether it was “allowed”.  Though the council had been essentially disbanded after the president ran off with community money, followed shortly by the vice president, everyone still defered to this defunct group.

But once Gop and others began meeting to talk and plan about what their kids need and what they should do about it, they started to grow in confidence.  They ended up putting together two well-planned events for the kids of Phothong, which besides providing safe and educational activities also proved to the community that things could change, ordinary residents could decide to work together and act rather than wait for the council or an outside agency to do it for them.

A couple months ago one of the other women involved in these meetings and actions, the current community treasurer, stepped in to take over the ignored duties of community president temporarily.  Since then I’ve seen her visiting homes individually, and she lead a successful decision-making meeting over use of a new government grant which many were happy about.

Then about a month ago I heard that she had passed the role on to Gop, who has never had a place on the community council.  But after showing herself to be a responsible leader, Oi thought she would be the best for the job.

This is for the short-term, as there will be another election in October.  But it is sounding like Gop will likely be elected to continue in her role.

That wouldn’t surprise me, as she is already taking this position seriously and working to bring about results.  She has talked with me about using our house again as a place to host kids activities, and also to plan.  She has decided to call together anyone in the community who is interested in helping their kids, rather than just the community council– the group that made all decisions in the past.  She’s talking about other ideas she has for developing the community, including building emergency exits, an idea the women were talking about earlier but hadn’t seen to completion.

Gop definitely has areas to grow in, particularly in working with people to really think through the issues and come up with ideas together, rather than just promoting her ideas.  But I am encouraged that Phothong now has a leader with initiative, who really cares about its development, who is honest, who wants everyone to be involved in working toward solutions and not just an elite few.  It is exciting to see this lasting fruit that I will be leaving as I transition home.

I don’t often refer to other blogs in my posts, but this one caught my attention.  It has much to say about what I’ve been learning here about demonstrating Jesus to my Buddhist neighbors.  It reminds me of what has become most important to me, in myself and in those I’m discipling: being fully surrendered to God in order for him to transform us into a clearer reflection of him.  Character, rather than ambition.  Prayer and confession and worship over strategy and micro-management.

Below is a quote– I’d encourage you to read all of it.  I’m frequently challenged by many of the blogs over at conversantlife.com– worth a place in your feed reader!

I’m increasingly convinced that our ambitions related to making an impact are misguided, nothing more than a cloak to cover our own insecurities with God’s ‘blessing’.  Instead of an impact, our ambitions ought to be related to being an aroma, as Paul says, “TO God… AMONG men.”  Aromas are a byproduct that reveal the essence of something.  They don’t set out to BE aromas, they simply are:  Pine trees smell like pine; cigarette smoke like tabacco; coffee like heaven.  That’s the way it is.

“If there’s no church in my village, can I start one in my house?”
That was Yut’s sister, Got, wondering about how to live as a Christian in her Buddhist community if she were to start following Jesus.

I had met Got once before, another time that she visited her sister in Bangkok. I had invited Yut to our combined church Christmas party in 2007, and Got joined us. I hadn’t gotten to ask her about her experience at the party, but it sounds like it made an impression. She started reading materials about Jesus and seriously considering following him.

Once Yut became a believer she started sharing with her family what was happening to her and who God is. When she found out her husband needed to make a trip to Bangkok at the end of July, she decided to come along– she wanted to learn more about Jesus, and to see Kevin and I again (who she remembered from the party).

The afternoon Got arrived, Kevin was leading a discipleship time in our house with the new believers, primarily about honoring God with our finances. Got came along. It became a significant time of sharing about the deep pain and anxiety these new believers are facing due to their deep debt. They confessed addiction, and recent failures. They prayed, and wept, and made new commitments. Got watched and listened.

Afterwards, Yut shared how Got has been really interested in Jesus, and may even want to start following him. That’s when she started asking about whether she can worship and pray from her house since there’s no church nearby. Will God hear her prayers? If her husband converts, could they be a church together? She seemed hungry, and excited. But there was some hesitancy and it wasn’t clear if she was ready right then to accept Jesus or not, and we didn’t want her to feel pressured into anything. Kevin asked if we could pray for her, and tomorrow we could talk again and she could say yes to Jesus then if she was ready.

She agreed, so we all laid hands on her and prayed. At the end, I caught a glimpse of her face and her eyes were wide, like she had experienced something powerful as we prayed.

She went back to Yut’s house, and spent the evening reading the Bible and talking more with Yut about her faith. The next day she ended up having to leave earlier than expected, so we weren’t able to meet again with her. But before she left, she told Yut that she really wished she had said yes the evening before. Is it okay? she asked. Will God know that I want to commit myself to him? Yut assured her he would. She encouraged her to pray, and later told me that she closed her eyes and said simply, “Dad, your child wants to receive you.”

Got didn’t have a Bible, so Yut decided to let her take hers, though she parted with it sadly since it was a nice version that really loved. But she felt like God was asking her to sacrifice for her sister. So now she’s using one of our cheaper ones until Got has the chance to come back and exchange with her.

Since then, Yut has been calling her sister regularly, making sure she’s praying and reading the Bible every day, teaching her what she’s been learning in our church and discipleship times here. Got has completely stopped going to the temple located adjacent to her house, stopped all idol worship, and though people have been looking down on her she’s stayed firm in her new beliefs.

Recently Yut shared with her, “Jesus is always with you. He’s right beside you when things are going well or when they’re hard, he’s with you every time you laugh or cry.”

“Really? Really?” Got asked, crying. “I’m so glad.”

We are hoping that some of us will have an opportunity to visit Got upcountry before I leave in October. Got is also praying that her husband will become a believer soon, and when we visit we’ll be able to baptize them both together. Pray for this! And that Got’s testimony and changed life will draw more people from that village into Jesus’ arms.

It’s no secret that the police in Thailand are corrupt.  You see it everywhere: drivers given exemptions to traffic tickets at the offer of a bribe, the colored lights of brothels (officially illegal) flickering on most main roads, people being treated roughly by officers on the side of the road.

But up until a few days ago, I hadn’t heard any stories from people I knew about run-ins with the police.

Pai, the woman who was like a mother-figure for me when I lived in Permsup, told me her story on Friday evening.  The day before, like every other day, a group of about 10 or so were hanging out on the plywood platform they’d constructed below a prominant, shady tree in front of the slum.  Some of the kids had been playing Bingo, for a little bit of money– the quivalent of about a quarter each.

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I won’t lie—though these past couple of weeks have been dominated by joy, I’ve also been somewhat… perplexed.  Frustrated, even.  I mean, could the timing of all this be any less convenient?  What is God thinking?  I don’t at all mean that I could do things better.  There have been too many miracles, too many beautiful orchestrations lately that even in my best-case scenarios I wouldn’t have dared (or been creative enough) to dream up.  So I have to believe that God has SOME reason for this.  It’s just eluding my inferior mind completely.

I’m leaving in October.  In THREE months.  The last few weeks of that I’ll be completely useless, trying to say goodbyes, tie up loose ends, deciding how and what to pack up or leave behind from my life for the last five years.  And in the midst of this preparing for the end, God brings new life.  Two new believers in one week (maybe five, depending on how you define it) in this place I’ve labored in for so long.  And so little time to nurture them, to lead this house church, to enjoy this new season of harvest I’ve prayed for over the years.

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In one week I’ve seen two women open their hearts to Jesus, and three teenagers take new steps of faith and discipleship.  In a community where there have been no worshipers of Jesus we are now having church in our house with five neighbors.  I can’t think of another time when I have felt this aware of God’s power and grace- it has been almost tangible.  It has felt at times like too much for my heart to contain.  I often can’t help but burst into laughing as I speak about it; I haven’t been sleeping much because I’ve been so excited.

The conversions of Yut and June were beautiful.  They made me feel like I was at a wedding, or witnessing a birth.  Both wept, and later said they didn’t know where the tears had come from.  As we laid hands on them to pray, both felt a presence bigger than themselves.  They both immediately said they felt “sabai jai” literally, “my heart is at ease.”

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Below is a poem I wrote– a prayer, really– on Saturday.  On Sunday morning came a very clear answer, to my prayers and those of many others, in Yut’s decision to give her life to Jesus.  A church is born in my slum, after nearly 3 years of sharing and praying and waiting…  God is good!

Wisdom Made Foolish

This message you’ve entrusted to me
I love it, I live by it
It’s often what holds me together
It’s my deepest joy
But when it comes out of my mouth
In this place of temples and idols
Of desperate souls clinging to
Sacrifice and ritual
Golden monk robes
Seers and spirit houses and merit-making
It can sound like so much foolishness.

They search for release from suffering
And I answer with a man on a cross
Instead of nirvana, they see nails
Instead of wealth and comfort
A crown of thorns

They seek ultimate truth and purity
And I describe a God with emotions
Who can be known by mere man
And became one himself
Who speaks, and has a name

I tell them of a God who is jealous
To them, the ugliest of emotions
Demanding ultimate loyalty
Unwilling to share his worship with the idols
They’ve bowed down to their whole lives

And grace, how convenient a thought
No need for doing good, they conclude
Just a prayer and we’re clean
The good and the evil made equal
Their merit-making empty

But to me it sounds so different
A victor, not a victim
Of evil men or bad karma
An intimate Creator
We made in his image,
Not vice-versa
A devoted husband,
Calling me away from lesser loves
And mercy that is my only hope
Not a lazy, imagined salvation.

It’s the power of God
For those who are being saved
For those to whom you have said
“Let there be light”
And opened their eyes
Spirit, come
Or my words are empty
And my signs are misinterpreted
I’ve seen you do it elsewhere
And I’m asking for it again
In this place where no one has yet praised your name.

A few months ago a team from InterVarsity’s multimedia department, twentyonehundred, came and took some footage of our team.  They are working on promoting Urbana, the student missions conference that is coming up again this year.  Over half of our team were influenced by Urbana.  For myself, I may have ended up doing some kind of missions had I not gone to the conference, but definitely not among the poor for 5 years in Bangkok, Thailand.  It challenged me to care about the poor, to take my call to be a witness seriously, to not treat missions as just feel-good tourism but to really risk and invest in a place and in God’s work there.

Follow this link to watch the video, The Street Where They Live (video will start automatically).

Click below to read my most recent newsletter. Some highlights:

• Women in my slum put together a drug-awareness event for the kids as a result of house meetings
• New opportunities opening to develop youth in Phothong to be leaders
• My Buddhist neighbor Yut and I will begin studying Scripture together soon
• My new role and budget for when I move back to the States in October