Okay, here’s one more reverse culture adjustment I’m making.  There’s a sense of entitlement here to do whatever feels right, whatever one wants to do, at any given moment, with no need to weigh the effects of that action on others.  Go with the gut, not with what others might think or feel or suffer as a result.

photo credit: prakhar

“Don’t listen to him, this is your decision.  Do what YOU want to do.  If he really loved you he’d love you enough to let you follow your own heart.”

“(enter name of product here)- for whenever the urge strikes.”

“It’s up to you, you have to choose your own path in life.  I will support whatever decision you make.”

“Go ahead, pamper yourself– you deserve it.”

These aren’t direct quotes from anything, but doesn’t it sound familiar?  I keep hearing things like this on TV dramas, commercials, daily conversation, and they seem to go unquestioned.  The values of being true to yourself and independent have some positive elements.  But there seems to be a widely-held ideal that we are only responsible to ourselves, we should listen to and obey every urge or desire we feel, and we should not pay too much attention to requests or desires of others or we may lose ourselves, not be “true to our hearts.”

Obviously, I’m exaggerating and generalizing some.  But not a whole lot.

On the other end of the spectrum is Thailand.  (No, literally– I saw a spectrum recently that put America and Thailand on opposite ends of the individualism/collectivism spectrum).  I think that if Thais were to make a list and rank who they believed they are responsible for and to, they would put themselves quite a ways down the list.  Family would be number one, followed by the king (though those two might be switched).  Friends, neighbors, patrons would make the list.  They would likely mention their ancestors, their country and culture, Buddha and the idols they worship.

photo credit: munir

In making decisions, it is rare to hear a Thai talk about what they want to do or their “gut instinct”.  Instead they try to balance the effect of the decision on important people in their lives.  There is a word in Thai that we don’t have in English except as a phrase: “grengjai”, or “to be afraid of imposing on someone.”  I think it’s one of the most commonly-used words in their language:

“I wanted to, but I was grengjai”

“No, please, you don’t have to be grengjai.”

“How rude– he wasn’t grengjai at all.”

At first glance this can seem much more gracious, much less selfish than the extreme our culture often goes.  But in the extreme, this aspect of collectivism can be pretty ugly, too.  People really can lose themselves and their boundaries.  Relationships stay surface-level because people don’t want to do the uncomfortable work of conflict and reconciliation.  Bitterness grows as people constantly stuff down what they want for what they feel they “should” do.  Unhealthy compromises are made and abuses suffered.  One person is treated unfairly in favor of another of higher status or closer connection.

Having now lived and adapted to both cultures, I find myself trying to reconcile these extremes.  What in each of these worldviews needs to be redeemed?  What is from God?

So what I’ve come up with is that the most important thing is that we are responsible to God, first and foremost.  Otherwise I become my own god, or people around me become gods.

Jesus does teach us to lay down our lives for others, which is something we Americans could learn a bit about from Thais.  But if this is not as a submitted act of worship to him, it becomes idolatry or moralistic duty.

God also tells us that if we are believers we have the Spirit inside us to guide us, and that sometimes, in obedience to him, we have to do things that are offensive to others.  This comes more naturally to us in the West than those in the East.  But without submission to that Spirit within us, we follow our own broken, diseased, selfish hearts and become our own gods, justifying the destruction we leave in our wake.

It seems to me that from Scripture, the correct hierarchy of responsibility should be first to God, then to others, and finally to ourselves.  After all, we are supposed to think of others as greater than ourselves.  But sometimes we must be like Mary, sitting at Jesus’ feet rather than helping her sister with the meal preparation, or like Paul, confronting those in authority.  How we relate to others and to our own desires must be submitted to God.

This challenges me to be more in prayer.  Because the Thai side of me pulls me in one direction (defer to others, don’t assert yourself too much, figure out what will keep the peace) and the American side pulls me the other (listen to yourself, ignore what others think, go your own way).  But when I’m most connected to God I sense that he is guiding me, and I can be counter-cultural, responsible to him, governed by love.  And he is a much better guide than myself or my perception of those around me.

friends from the market I frequent, the day before I left for the States

I have at least a couple blog posts backlogged in my mind about things that happened in my last few months in Bangkok.  But first I thought I’d jot down some of the random things swirling around in the front of my mind as I transition back to life in America.

This time, unlike my visit half way through my term, the change feels less shocking.  I think memories of that first reverse culture shock have helped me to be less surprised.  But still, this is a big change.

I was often over-stimulated in Bangkok, being the crazy, noisy, city full of contradictions that never sleeps or slows down that it is.  But somehow I often feel over-stimulated here in small-town Oregon, too.  In stores, I can’t just scan over items anymore– every product and label is unfamiliar or at least something I haven’t looked at in years.  I forget what items are common and what aren’t (where are the long rows of soy sauce?  single-serving soy milk?  pepsi max?  nescafe packets?)  I don’t know what things are supposed to cost.  And there’s just things for sale now I’ve never heard of (enhanced water??).

Other times, I’m struck by the vacuum of sound.  The only time I was ever in a silent environment in Bangkok was on a relatively quiet night with my earplugs in.  This is something I longed for there, and don’t get me wrong– it’s nice.  But sometimes it can seem a little, I don’t know, creepy.

It’s also weird to live in such an isolated bubble from my neighbors.  The people I see or even who come to our house are connected to us in some way other than geographical, for the most part.  It’s strange to leave the neighborhood and come back without greeting people, having a couple little kids grab my hands and walk me home, buying some fried snack being sold by a neighbor along the way.  I miss that.  The independent side of me (and it is a well-developed side) likes the privacy and freedom of this lifestyle, but also feels the loss of that kind of community I’d lived in for five years.

I’m always cold.  Except when I’m in my bedroom with the space heater on high and many layers of clothes on.

I never have a sense of what time of day it is because it’s so dark all day long.  Ah, Oregon, I love your beautiful hillsides and colorful leaves, but you sure can be gloomy most of the time.

Everything is easier about life here.  Hard to believe I got so used to 20 minute walks to the bus stop every morning, breathing in black traffic fumes, sweating all but a couple hours of the day, dodging downpours, switching between languages, struggling to keep food fresh, setting out glue traps for rats, cooking (and eating) on the floor, doing laundry by hand and trying to get it dry in muggy weather…  I kind of like how that has made little things feel like luxuries now.  I feel so spoiled by our washer and dryer, for instance.

I love the abundance of cheese and good bread here.  I miss newly-harvested Thai jasmine rice.

The whole “going green” movement started while I was gone, so that’s new– but I like it.  I’m having to get introduced to pretty much all of the TV shows on.  The news on TV is so full of graphic effects that it’s kind of distracting and feels even more like entertainment than it used to.

I finally caved and bought a pair of those huge sunglasses that somehow became popular while I was gone.  I kind of didn’t believe people were really wearing them until I got here and yep, that’s all they’re selling now.

It’s weird to eat so many things out of cans or bags or boxes rather than bringing home fresh produce and meat from the nearby street market.

My parents got a new dog, my house has a whole new kitchen, the church I grew up in has a new fellowship hall, my hometown gained several thousand residents and several new stores and restaurants.  People I remember as kids are now teenagers or adults.  Coming home felt a little like time travel, or waking up after a really long sleep.

But ahhhhh…. it’s good to be back.  I feel like I can breathe again (literally and figuratively).  There’s space to rest and reflect, I can blend in if I want to, I don’t have to translate or wonder about my grammar, I get to enjoy people and simple pleasures I’ve been away from for so long.  At some point I will start longing for the home I left behind, but for now I’m just enjoying the return to this one.

People are often curious about what it was like for me, living in a Bangkok slum.  So there are some new pictures up on my Photos page to illustrate.  This is my house and surrounding area in Phothong, the slum I lived in the longest (February, ’06- October ’09).  Before that I lived in a poorer community, and believe me, this house was a huge step up.

I’ve been back in the States for over 3 weeks now.  In my last days in Bangkok my house was something I doubted I would miss: the heat, mosquitoes, holes in the walls from rats, sleeping on the floor, noisy neighbors, a recent discovery of a king cobra skin (which deserves its own blog post)…  And while I am thoroughly enjoying the comforts of a real bed, carpet, washer and dryer, I do miss the bright Thai sunshine through my windows, the sounds of children laughing, cooking Thai food with neighbors.  As I posted these pictures I was actually really thankful for my home in Phothong.

Click on the image to read my last newsletter from Bangkok!  Some highlights:

• Six new believers and a church planted in my slum!
• The challenges of discipling the urban poor
• Signs of fruit that will outlast my time here
• Details about my return to the US
• Prayer requests and pictures!

Turning

Sometimes betrayal comes as a kiss
Sometimes a lie seems like what’s real
And we get so lost
We want to believe, to turn back
To what is truly holy
To the embrace we’ve once known
That seemed too good
And yet somehow not enough

Have mercy
Hear the groan and the plea
That gets stuck in our throat
And the prayer silenced by shame
Pry our hands away
From the enemies we cling to
Oh, lifter of our heads
Turn our faces back to you

I’m relating to Paul in this passage these days:

“Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches.  Who is weak, and I do not feel weak?  Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?” (2 Cor 11:28-29)

People sometimes ask me what I feel is the hardest part of my life here.  I think they usually expect to hear something about mosquitos or the heat or slum dogs.  But most of the time it doesn’t have to do with physical circumstances at all.  It’s seeing people I love and whom God loves turn away from him and toward lesser gods.

It’s watching a young believer allowing money to be her master, gambling all day instead of taking care of her sick two-year-old.

It’s witnessing a leader deceive many by her charism, a smile and eloquent words erasing the memory of wrongs not yet made right.

Felt the heaviest these days, it’s seeing church leaders lie to themselves, their church members and the Lord about where the offering money is going.  It’s discovering money given to God by slum dwellers has ending up in the pockets of a volunteer church leader.

It’s realizing how many of us (myself included) have in small and large ways enabled and even invited this kind of sin.

This has been a season of both celebrating the new life God is bringing in our midst and mourning over the brokenness that has been revealed.  But I take hope that all of it is the Lord’s work.  I would rather the mourning and repentance over sin brought into the light, than a half-hearted smile to cover up a lie.  It is the Lord’s kindness that leads us to repentance, it is his mercy that refuses to allow us to deceive ourselves.  While it can feel like we are falling apart, really this is just the first step of letting God heal us.  None of this sin is new; this has been going on for years and God has known about every day of it.  But now in his timing he is doing the work of a good physician.  Unapologetic for the pain, he is removing our feeble attempts at a bandage and is applying his truly healing balm.

Pray that each of us, our leaders and church members would yield to his firm but loving touch.

Before we started doing community organizing in my slum I had never seen Gop (pictured refereeing a kids game) in a leadership position or doing anything to bring about change there.  This definitely wasn’t due to apathy, though.  When I started asking people questions about what life was like there and especially about the conditions for their kids, Gop was among the most outspoken and discontent.

She, along with most everyone I talked to, believed that nobody but themselves really cared, and that nobody would want to work together on anything.

It sounded also like she doubted both her ability to do much and whether it was “allowed”.  Though the council had been essentially disbanded after the president ran off with community money, followed shortly by the vice president, everyone still defered to this defunct group.

But once Gop and others began meeting to talk and plan about what their kids need and what they should do about it, they started to grow in confidence.  They ended up putting together two well-planned events for the kids of Phothong, which besides providing safe and educational activities also proved to the community that things could change, ordinary residents could decide to work together and act rather than wait for the council or an outside agency to do it for them.

A couple months ago one of the other women involved in these meetings and actions, the current community treasurer, stepped in to take over the ignored duties of community president temporarily.  Since then I’ve seen her visiting homes individually, and she lead a successful decision-making meeting over use of a new government grant which many were happy about.

Then about a month ago I heard that she had passed the role on to Gop, who has never had a place on the community council.  But after showing herself to be a responsible leader, Oi thought she would be the best for the job.

This is for the short-term, as there will be another election in October.  But it is sounding like Gop will likely be elected to continue in her role.

That wouldn’t surprise me, as she is already taking this position seriously and working to bring about results.  She has talked with me about using our house again as a place to host kids activities, and also to plan.  She has decided to call together anyone in the community who is interested in helping their kids, rather than just the community council– the group that made all decisions in the past.  She’s talking about other ideas she has for developing the community, including building emergency exits, an idea the women were talking about earlier but hadn’t seen to completion.

Gop definitely has areas to grow in, particularly in working with people to really think through the issues and come up with ideas together, rather than just promoting her ideas.  But I am encouraged that Phothong now has a leader with initiative, who really cares about its development, who is honest, who wants everyone to be involved in working toward solutions and not just an elite few.  It is exciting to see this lasting fruit that I will be leaving as I transition home.

I don’t often refer to other blogs in my posts, but this one caught my attention.  It has much to say about what I’ve been learning here about demonstrating Jesus to my Buddhist neighbors.  It reminds me of what has become most important to me, in myself and in those I’m discipling: being fully surrendered to God in order for him to transform us into a clearer reflection of him.  Character, rather than ambition.  Prayer and confession and worship over strategy and micro-management.

Below is a quote– I’d encourage you to read all of it.  I’m frequently challenged by many of the blogs over at conversantlife.com– worth a place in your feed reader!

I’m increasingly convinced that our ambitions related to making an impact are misguided, nothing more than a cloak to cover our own insecurities with God’s ‘blessing’.  Instead of an impact, our ambitions ought to be related to being an aroma, as Paul says, “TO God… AMONG men.”  Aromas are a byproduct that reveal the essence of something.  They don’t set out to BE aromas, they simply are:  Pine trees smell like pine; cigarette smoke like tabacco; coffee like heaven.  That’s the way it is.

“If there’s no church in my village, can I start one in my house?”
That was Yut’s sister, Got, wondering about how to live as a Christian in her Buddhist community if she were to start following Jesus.

I had met Got once before, another time that she visited her sister in Bangkok. I had invited Yut to our combined church Christmas party in 2007, and Got joined us. I hadn’t gotten to ask her about her experience at the party, but it sounds like it made an impression. She started reading materials about Jesus and seriously considering following him.

Once Yut became a believer she started sharing with her family what was happening to her and who God is. When she found out her husband needed to make a trip to Bangkok at the end of July, she decided to come along– she wanted to learn more about Jesus, and to see Kevin and I again (who she remembered from the party).

The afternoon Got arrived, Kevin was leading a discipleship time in our house with the new believers, primarily about honoring God with our finances. Got came along. It became a significant time of sharing about the deep pain and anxiety these new believers are facing due to their deep debt. They confessed addiction, and recent failures. They prayed, and wept, and made new commitments. Got watched and listened.

Afterwards, Yut shared how Got has been really interested in Jesus, and may even want to start following him. That’s when she started asking about whether she can worship and pray from her house since there’s no church nearby. Will God hear her prayers? If her husband converts, could they be a church together? She seemed hungry, and excited. But there was some hesitancy and it wasn’t clear if she was ready right then to accept Jesus or not, and we didn’t want her to feel pressured into anything. Kevin asked if we could pray for her, and tomorrow we could talk again and she could say yes to Jesus then if she was ready.

She agreed, so we all laid hands on her and prayed. At the end, I caught a glimpse of her face and her eyes were wide, like she had experienced something powerful as we prayed.

She went back to Yut’s house, and spent the evening reading the Bible and talking more with Yut about her faith. The next day she ended up having to leave earlier than expected, so we weren’t able to meet again with her. But before she left, she told Yut that she really wished she had said yes the evening before. Is it okay? she asked. Will God know that I want to commit myself to him? Yut assured her he would. She encouraged her to pray, and later told me that she closed her eyes and said simply, “Dad, your child wants to receive you.”

Got didn’t have a Bible, so Yut decided to let her take hers, though she parted with it sadly since it was a nice version that really loved. But she felt like God was asking her to sacrifice for her sister. So now she’s using one of our cheaper ones until Got has the chance to come back and exchange with her.

Since then, Yut has been calling her sister regularly, making sure she’s praying and reading the Bible every day, teaching her what she’s been learning in our church and discipleship times here. Got has completely stopped going to the temple located adjacent to her house, stopped all idol worship, and though people have been looking down on her she’s stayed firm in her new beliefs.

Recently Yut shared with her, “Jesus is always with you. He’s right beside you when things are going well or when they’re hard, he’s with you every time you laugh or cry.”

“Really? Really?” Got asked, crying. “I’m so glad.”

We are hoping that some of us will have an opportunity to visit Got upcountry before I leave in October. Got is also praying that her husband will become a believer soon, and when we visit we’ll be able to baptize them both together. Pray for this! And that Got’s testimony and changed life will draw more people from that village into Jesus’ arms.

It’s no secret that the police in Thailand are corrupt.  You see it everywhere: drivers given exemptions to traffic tickets at the offer of a bribe, the colored lights of brothels (officially illegal) flickering on most main roads, people being treated roughly by officers on the side of the road.

But up until a few days ago, I hadn’t heard any stories from people I knew about run-ins with the police.

Pai, the woman who was like a mother-figure for me when I lived in Permsup, told me her story on Friday evening.  The day before, like every other day, a group of about 10 or so were hanging out on the plywood platform they’d constructed below a prominant, shady tree in front of the slum.  Some of the kids had been playing Bingo, for a little bit of money– the quivalent of about a quarter each.

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