One of the major works God has been doing in me over furlough is giving me peace over who he created me to be.
To me, the stereotypical (and ideal, I’ve believed for so long) missionary is narrowly defined. Extroverted, people-oriented, spontaneous, able to endure anything, endowed with the more “showy” gifts (e.g. healing, evangelism, leadership, etc.).
So I have tried hard to be that person. But in reality, I am task-oriented, practical, introverted, have a weak immune system, and am likely gifted in things like teaching, administration, and maybe prayer. If you are familiar with the Myers-Briggs personality inventory, I am an ISTJ.
In my “class” at the Servant Partners training last year, after taking a personality test, I was the sole person out the ten of us to fall into the “task-oriented, introverted” category. The gifted woman leading us told me that my personality type is seen as stereotypically male as well, and can be subtly (or not-so-subtly) undervalued in society when a woman possesses it. I would say that in my campus ministry chapter this personality type was underrepresented, and the people on whom the spotlight fell were mostly the extroverted, evangelistic type. For these reasons and others, I have felt like I needed to be more like that type of person to be more greatly used by God.
But during this furlough God has been showing me ways that my particular makeup is really a blessing to my team, and to the Thais, in Bangkok. There are tasks and projects these past two years that would not have gotten done or would have been done less efficiently if I had not been there. There are Thais who I am particularly able to connect with on a deep level because I tend to focus on a few and invest a lot in them, and because my personality type meshes well with them. I am able to analyze plans and systems and spot potential challenges or problems that others may not have anticipated. Computers come naturally to me, I enjoy poring over books on Buddhist philosophy, Thai grammar, the roots of poverty. And these are all good things.
Where I previously saw this type of person, or these characteristics in me, as less valuable “parts of the body,” I now firmly believe “God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be?” (1 Corinthians 12:18-19)
So I’m learning to embrace who I am and invite God to use those parts of me. I believe he longs to have not a crippled Body as his witness, or one where feet are trying to act like hands (creates a funny mental image, though). I am being much more faithful living out of who God actually made me to be, rather than as someone I would prefer to be. And he is even helping me to enjoy my particular makeup and gifts, and to be glad that I am this way.
As I head back to the field, my role will look different. I will be taking on more managerial tasks with our foundation, working on much needed efforts such as budget, promotions, grant-writing, procedural methods. I will be working with the new business we are starting, a temp agency to both employ and train slum-dwellers to advance in the formal economy. I will continue as our team’s webmaster, and also help with a new media project the Servant Partners’ founder is pioneering. I will help with teaching in settings such as our leaders trainings and house church meetings. I will still live in a slum, seek to love and serve my neighbors, but will leave most of the spontaneous evangelism and community organizing to those Thais and team members who are gifted in those areas.
I am excited to see how God will use me as I submit my gifts to him.
Here are some more thoughts that have been accumulating since returning to the States after two+ years in Bangkok:
1. We are so isolated here in America. It is not difficult at all to go from bedroom to car to cubicle back to car and home again without really connecting with anyone. In Bangkok I could barely walk two houses down without having a conversation with someone. The food venders I frequented all knew my name, lots of the hospital employees know me (well, I might be special case in that area…), taxi drivers love to talk, I shared most of my meals with neighbors, friends or at least friendly market frequenters. Here you can even check yourself out at the grocery store without saying a word to anyone. I sometimes feel like I’m living in a bubble, breaking through it only on previously-scheduled coffee dates or movie nights.
2. Why are there 50 different types of toothpaste??
3. Maybe this is also true in Bangkok and I didn’t notice it as much, but clothing fashion here is pretty crazy. I mean, I was only gone for two years, but already I feel like someone truly catering to popular fashion would have pitched my entire wardrobe by now.
4. Thanks to genetic engineering, preservatives, and lots of other artificial devices, the grapes here have no seeds, produce doesn’t go bad in three days, certain foods taste better, and I don’t have to stick my bread in the refrigerator. I have mixed feelings about all that…
5. What is it exactly that has caused my health and energy level to improve so much in the past few months? Lots of sleep, less pollution, no mosquitos, changes in medication? Or is part of it the distance I have here from the immense suffering in the world? “…wanting to alleviate pain without sharing it is like wanting to save a child from a burning house without the risk of being hurt.”– Henri Nouwen
As the weather here shifts from humid and rainy to drier and wonderfully cool, I am coming into a new season in my life and ministry, too.
I just returned from an intense and blessing-filled training in Manila, Philippines (more on that later). Part way through the month there I heard news that my team leader Kevin and his family had secured a house in a new slum community and were living there a few days a week. The hope is for a house church to come alive in the near future. There are already two young believers there and I have been praying to see God work in that slum. I was really excited to hear of Kevin and his family’s commitment to seeing a work start there.
During the last week I was in Manila I got word that my community of Permsup would have not 2 years, as expected, but 4 months until eviction.
I returned to Permsup last week with a mix of emotions. The conference had given me time to reflect on my life and make some decisions, as well as give me new vision and energy for ministry. At the same time, I am having to deal with the fact that my house and community will be bulldozed as early as February. People I have come to see as a second family will be scattered. Fortunately, nearly half the community is in our savings group, and under the leadership of our Thai partners they are applying for government assistance to secure a plot of land. Still, it seems that nothing is certain, not enough money is being saved yet, and the deadline is rapidly approaching. Community members who have not been saving are in panic mode right now. A couple families already have back-up plans to live on the outskirts of town. Half of my youth Bible Study will be moving to that area.
Assuming the group gets the land, it will not be possible for Dave or I to build houses there, since we are foreigners. But Nim and Gaew, our Thai church leaders, are intending to live there. It is possible that I could rent a room from one of them, but Dave’s only option is to live near, but not in, the community.
This has given me the opportunity to ask the question: is this the time for me to move on to a new community? To start, with Thai partners, a new house church? Our goal is to hand off the leadership of these churches to Thais as soon as possible, and to then start new works. Already we have two solid Thai leaders in the Permsup church, and several Christians who could very well become leaders in the near future. The service has recently been conducted in the Isaan dialect, the first language of the people, which I have not begun to learn yet, so I am not contributing much to the church right now anyway. My main ministry has been the youth Bible Study, but only of the girls will relocate to the new land, and I think there are others who could lead that group (Nim lead it while I was in Manila).
And now we have a house in Potong. That community has been on my heart, especially as there are two youth believers there and no church yet. The vision the Waltons have for the house is for a team of Thais and possibly a missionary (most likely me) to move in together. There are two large bedrooms and a common space with a kitchen, two bathrooms and a gathering area more than large enough for a house church meeting. Since last year I have felt God saying that eventually I would minister in Potong, and to pray for the community until then. I was assuming that would be about two years from now when I possibly moved there, when Permsup was evicted and its church more established. But maybe now is the time?
Please pray with me about this. Nothing is certain yet, but I definitely feel the seasons changing and need to be receptive to God’s leading. Please pray also that those who are planning to relocate together would be able to secure the land, that those with more finances would help those who are struggling, that God’s blessing would be on the various application processes, that the church would stay intact and even experience a revival as they see God’s provision for them. Pray also for those who have not been planning for this, that they would seek the Lord in their desperation and that he would have mercy on them.
Feeds
