I won’t lie—though these past couple of weeks have been dominated by joy, I’ve also been somewhat… perplexed.  Frustrated, even.  I mean, could the timing of all this be any less convenient?  What is God thinking?  I don’t at all mean that I could do things better.  There have been too many miracles, too many beautiful orchestrations lately that even in my best-case scenarios I wouldn’t have dared (or been creative enough) to dream up.  So I have to believe that God has SOME reason for this.  It’s just eluding my inferior mind completely.

I’m leaving in October.  In THREE months.  The last few weeks of that I’ll be completely useless, trying to say goodbyes, tie up loose ends, deciding how and what to pack up or leave behind from my life for the last five years.  And in the midst of this preparing for the end, God brings new life.  Two new believers in one week (maybe five, depending on how you define it) in this place I’ve labored in for so long.  And so little time to nurture them, to lead this house church, to enjoy this new season of harvest I’ve prayed for over the years.

With things happening so quickly, with everything feeling so DIFFERENT, it’s tempting to try to figuring it out using human logic.  If only I’d shared the Gospel in THAT way earlier… if only I’d taken Yut to visit that church a year ago… if only I’d told that story or prayed in that way…

There are definitely lessons to learn (I feel like my mind is bursting with all that I’ve been learning from this).  But really it comes down to the Spirit.  We really don’t know where it’s going to blow.  Or when.  I’ve been planting seeds into dark, mysterious earth, not knowing if they were germinating or just dead, not knowing if the soil was good, if God’s Spirit was blowing over this place and causing growth.  For so long it’s been about waiting… waiting… hoping… praying…

A lot has happened in terms of developing relationships, working with people to actively choose hope and change over fatalism and resignation.  I’ve seen parts of the Kingdom advancing here.  But despite continuing to share about Jesus, it just seemed like the words about his grace, love, invitation to relationship, were falling flat as soon as I’d speak them.  The only thing that kept hope alive for me was a couple of significant prayer times when I felt like God was clearly saying I was in the right place; that despite things looking bleak, despite talk of me maybe needing to move to another slum, that I would be able to stay.

And now this just seems to be his time.  It really does FEEL spiritually different in my slum right now.  I can’t explain it.

I don’t know why it’s taken this long.  I don’t know why my main role has been planting seeds—small, seemingly insignificant, full of a power that’s largely hidden and at times hard to hope in.  It’s a role that has required faith and patience, that until recently has forced me to find joy in something other than the fruit from my labors.  Harvesting is so much more fun!  But I’ll choose to trust God even when he’s mysterious.  After seeing how carefully and lovingly he’s worked in my two friend’s lives, I know he has his reasons, that are ultimately for my good and for the good of his work here.

I’ll just really need him to help me to get on that airplane on October 21^st…