One of the major works God has been doing in me over furlough is giving me peace over who he created me to be.
To me, the stereotypical (and ideal, I’ve believed for so long) missionary is narrowly defined. Extroverted, people-oriented, spontaneous, able to endure anything, endowed with the more “showy” gifts (e.g. healing, evangelism, leadership, etc.).
So I have tried hard to be that person. But in reality, I am task-oriented, practical, introverted, have a weak immune system, and am likely gifted in things like teaching, administration, and maybe prayer. If you are familiar with the Myers-Briggs personality inventory, I am an ISTJ.
In my “class” at the Servant Partners training last year, after taking a personality test, I was the sole person out the ten of us to fall into the “task-oriented, introverted” category. The gifted woman leading us told me that my personality type is seen as stereotypically male as well, and can be subtly (or not-so-subtly) undervalued in society when a woman possesses it. I would say that in my campus ministry chapter this personality type was underrepresented, and the people on whom the spotlight fell were mostly the extroverted, evangelistic type. For these reasons and others, I have felt like I needed to be more like that type of person to be more greatly used by God.
But during this furlough God has been showing me ways that my particular makeup is really a blessing to my team, and to the Thais, in Bangkok. There are tasks and projects these past two years that would not have gotten done or would have been done less efficiently if I had not been there. There are Thais who I am particularly able to connect with on a deep level because I tend to focus on a few and invest a lot in them, and because my personality type meshes well with them. I am able to analyze plans and systems and spot potential challenges or problems that others may not have anticipated. Computers come naturally to me, I enjoy poring over books on Buddhist philosophy, Thai grammar, the roots of poverty. And these are all good things.
Where I previously saw this type of person, or these characteristics in me, as less valuable “parts of the body,” I now firmly believe “God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be?” (1 Corinthians 12:18-19)
So I’m learning to embrace who I am and invite God to use those parts of me. I believe he longs to have not a crippled Body as his witness, or one where feet are trying to act like hands (creates a funny mental image, though). I am being much more faithful living out of who God actually made me to be, rather than as someone I would prefer to be. And he is even helping me to enjoy my particular makeup and gifts, and to be glad that I am this way.
As I head back to the field, my role will look different. I will be taking on more managerial tasks with our foundation, working on much needed efforts such as budget, promotions, grant-writing, procedural methods. I will be working with the new business we are starting, a temp agency to both employ and train slum-dwellers to advance in the formal economy. I will continue as our team’s webmaster, and also help with a new media project the Servant Partners’ founder is pioneering. I will help with teaching in settings such as our leaders trainings and house church meetings. I will still live in a slum, seek to love and serve my neighbors, but will leave most of the spontaneous evangelism and community organizing to those Thais and team members who are gifted in those areas.
I am excited to see how God will use me as I submit my gifts to him.
