It has been a WHILE since I posted last, mainly because most of my online work has been on our team website. That nearly finished, I should have more time now to post personal thoughts here.

I recently went on a 2-week personal retreat, to rest after a series of illnesses and accompanying lack of energy for ministry. I went to Hua Hin, one of the less crowded beaches here in Thailand, and spent many hours watching the waves, reading, sleeping, eating good fresh seafood.

One of the questions that has been stirring in me is that of calling. I came here as a 23-year-old with practically no training for full-time ministry, hardly aware of who I am, longing to partner with God in his work among the poor but clueless as to how to do that. At first, I was just learning the language, so my task was fairly uncomplicated (though not exactly easy!). Now as I get my feet wet in ministry, I feel somewhat like I am trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. I am in highly extroverted roles (like youth ministry), though I am an introvert. Living in the slum offers very little privacy, and while the cultural value is “the more, the merrier”, I am realizing that I absolutely must have time to myself in order to rest and reflect. I do not exactly have the ideal personality for getting to know an entire slum community, I am not charasmatic or visionary, I seem to thrive when I am doing website design, prepping Bible studies and other detail-oriented roles. How do I fit into this ministry, especially living incarnationally in the slum?

Last December I met a woman (I can’t remember her name now) who has lived in a Bangkok slum for many, many years now. During our brief conversation, she kept saying the same thing: “Just love them. Just love them.”

When I remember that, it simplifies everything. It stops me in my tracks when I am trying to be someone I’m not, or wishing I had certain gifts or personality traits I do not. God created each one of us differently, but we are all capable of love. Extraverts are not the only ones capable of living among the poor and loving them. Though it may manifest itself in different ways, if we have the love of Jesus in us, we can share that with those around us.

Love is a fruit of the Spirit, not a spiritual gift given to a select few. It is a command, not a talent.

On my reteat I was reminded of this again as I meditated on 1 Corinthians 12 and 13. Chapter 12 is on spiritual gifts, how we are all part of the same body, that God created us the way he did ON PURPOSE to serve a special role in his mission.

Then the last sentence: “And now I will show you the most excellent way.” And that is love. Gifts are useless without love. Even giving to the poor and self-sacrifice are worthless without love. And though we may not all prophesy or teach or have gifts of healing, though the places and people we are sent to are different, we are all called to love. And love is really what the poor need. By God’s grace, that, I know, I have to give.

May God have such access to each of our hearts and wills that his redeeming love would flow from us, in the unique manifestation that we each offer. May he continue to show me what unique role he has created me for, so I can give him full access to use me in that way. But more importantly, would I be willing to love, without fear.