Here’s the link to my recent newsletter I sent out.  What I’ve been up to with my church in Pomona (how to be Christ’s body in the midst of organized crime?) and with Servant Partners (serving our movement from behind the scenes).

For previous updates about my life and work State-side, go here.

1.  You’re grateful each time you can flush the toilet paper in a public bathroom.

2.  You can’t get over the conveniences of drinkable tap water, washers and dryers, hot showers.

3.  You still frequently think and dream in Thai.

4.  You feel strangely isolated knowing that no one around you would understand you if you spoke in Thai.

5.  You feel confused about simple things like telephone etiquette and tipping.

6.  You get unnaturally gleeful over a plate of rice.

7.  Certain worship songs you knew in both Thai and English are now more familiar in Thai.

8.  You think about people back in Thailand a LOT.

9.  You cringe and try hard not to judge people whenever food is thrown away.

10.  You try hard not to judge people about a lot of things.

11.  You feel guilty, somehow, for leaving.

12.  You feel more poor in America than you did living in a slum in Thailand.

13.  You don’t recognize a single song on the radio.

14.  You’re back on season 2 of Lost.

15.  You don’t get fazed a bit by L.A. traffic.

16.  You still calculate prices into baht.

17.  You realize one day how nice it is not have any mosquito, ant, or cockroach bites.

18.  It seems like everyone around you is always SO BUSY.

19.  You find yourself forgetting that certain topics are taboo here that you’re used to being open about.

20.  You feel like you knew who you were in Thailand, but have to figure out who you are now in America.

21.  You realize you’ve adapted Thai values that people around you don’t necessarily have.

22.  You assume that, like Thais, your friends often have a hidden meaning to what they say, when they usually don’t.

23.  You feel like you have to start over from scratch in every area of your life.

24.  You realize you aged during your time overseas, and haven’t returned to a former age as well as a former country.

I think my mind, body and soul are letting down after almost 10 years of ministry.

It occurred to me this morning that right now I am in the first extended period of not being in some kind of outreach-based ministry since my freshman year in college.

I led Bible studies or evangelistic outreaches or short-term missions trips for 3 out of my 4 years in college.  I discipled people, I shared the Gospel, and somewhere tried to fit in classes and homework and tests.  Then I spent a year interning with InterVarsity, immediately after which I left for Bangkok for 5 years.  Where I not only helped plant a church and train leaders and disciple new believers, but did it all while sharing my space with rats and mosquitos and the sounds of all sorts of chaos of my slum.

And I wonder why I’m tired?

I wouldn’t trade a minute of my last 10 years.  And I hope that sometime soon God will lead me back into direct ministry, will again give me people to whom I can be his hands and to whom my voice can speak his words of love.  If it were strictly up to me, I’d have that now.  I’d choose to be full of energy; having had a couple months of rest I’d come down to L.A. and hit the ground running again, rather than feel the way I do now, like I’m moving through molasses.

So since I don’t have a choice in the matter, I’m resting a minute.  I’m taking a deep breath.  And after so many years of finding my significance in the people who became believers, or numbers in my Bible study, I’m now remembering that I was significant to God before I could take my first step.  And I’m significant now, though I feel once again like a child who needs to be carried and cared for.

I’m still playing a key role in Servant Partners, though it is much more behind-the-scenes, much less emotionally exhausting.  I have time to sleep and to read and to process things I had no energy to deal with while in Bangkok.  I can see God’s hand, now, in preparing a room for me out in a nearby middle-class suburb, though I’d hoped to live among the poor in the ghetto.  It hadn’t made sense at the time, but now I see God knew what he was doing (imagine that).

Jesus says the call is to lay down your life, to lose it in order to find it in him.  I think this is what I’m learning– that sometimes this life-surrender looks like sharing in the suffering of the least of these, of following Jesus to the margins and the marginalized.  But sometimes it looks like laying down ungodly ambition, as righteous as it may appear, to allow God to bring his Kingdom more fully into one’s own weary heart and soul.

It’s Mary kneeling at Jesus’ feet when so much could be done in the kitchen.  It’s the expensive perfume poured out on his feet, which could have been sold and given to the poor.  It’s my feet, bare and dirty, being washed by Jesus’ holy hands.

My furlough after my last few years in Bangkok felt like such a gift.  On the mission field it is easy to adapt to an incredible amount of stress and basically stop feeling it.  I think this was especially true for me as my home was also my work; I lived in a slum, children and neighbors stopped by unannounced, private space frequently became very public.  There was much about this I loved, but the sense of having little time or space that was securely “mine” and set aside when I expected it to be just didn’t exist.  Add onto this operating in a second language all day, being surrounded by intense poverty and pain, trying to minister to some of these needs (and having to say no to others), living in a loud and crazy and unpredictable city, and I was living just under my absolute threshold for stress.

So coming back to the States and being able to just rest, to enjoy people and nature, was beautiful.  It was also such a good time of reflecting on what God was doing in those last 5 years.  There is something about telling the story to others that shines light on God’s movement more brightly for myself.

So here are some pictures to illustrate a bit what this gift was like for me.  You can click on each photo for a brief description.

Not only do the poor need us, we need the poor to remind us what being human is about. In the same way that the poor learn to identify themselves with their lack, the wealthy learn to identify themselves with their wealth. It is in the meeting of the two that we can recognize ourselves and one another as human.–Justin McRoberts

This is the text and most of the visuals I used when I shared at church last Sunday.  It sounded like God really blessed people through it, so I thought I’d pass it on.

This morning I have the opportunity to share about my five years in Thailand, and the great challenge of condensing it into 20 minutes.  Let’s see, that would be about four minutes per year, less than 30 seconds per month….  No, don’t worry, I won’t try to do that.  I’ll just give some highlights, some snapshots into what God was doing that I got to be a part of.

For people who aren’t familiar with what I’ve been up to:  in October I returned from five years of living and serving in the slums of Bangkok, Thailand.  My team and I worked alongside local Thai church leaders to reach out to the poor in that city.   Our vision was to see God’s Kingdom coming to the slums.  What that meant to us was not just spiritual salvation, but healing and justice and things made right in all of the brokenness in those slums.  So we worked with people in the communities to address their felt needs, to become empowered to work for change, as well as sharing verbally about Jesus to those who were interested.  We partnered with a Thai foundation to minister to tangible needs in the slums.  And ultimately we wanted to see churches planted, led by Thais in Thai ways, that reached out holistically to its neighbors, and reproduced to other communities.  Later I’ll give some examples of how we did those things.

When I found out that today the church celebrates epiphany, I thought that was really cool timing.  Because in the last few months I was in Thailand I watched my slum community have its own epiphany.  The meaning of this word in Greek is similar to “manifestation” or “revelation”.  We say things like “I had an epiphany!” often to mean we figured something out, had a flash of insight.  But the Biblical epiphany means God making himself known to man.  His initiative, not ours.  God coming to live among us, rather than us figuring out how to get to God.  Jesus was born into our world, born into each of our hearts, born into that slum in Bangkok.  I was there in Thailand as a missionary, but really it was God doing the work, drawing people to himself.  I just got to be along for the ride.

At epiphany we often reflect on the magi, or wise men, and their journey to Bethlehem.  The passage I chose from Colossians captures beautifully what it is that these magi discovered, what it is that my neighbors experienced and that I got to experience anew as I saw their child-like wonder of new faith.

(Colossians 1:15-23) He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation; for in him all things in heaven and on earth were created, things visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or powers—all things have been created through him and for him. He himself is before all things, and in him all things hold together. He is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that he might come to have first place in everything. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him God was pleased to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, by making peace through the blood of his cross. And you who were once estranged and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his fleshly body through death, so as to present you holy and blameless and irreproachable before him— provided that you continue securely established and steadfast in the faith, without shifting from the hope promised by the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven. I, Paul, became a servant of this gospel.

There is so much packed into this passage.  It’s rich with meaning and symbolism.  I’m going to just touch on two themes and how I experienced this in Bangkok.  The first is this idea of Jesus being the “fullness of God”, which was “pleased” to dwell in Jesus, to dwell in our flesh and walk our earth.  This is an incredible thought!  Look at who Paul says this is—the “image of God”, the creator of everything, the one who holds all things together.  This is who came to live among us as our friend.

The magi saw the sign of the star, and even though they were not Jews, they still sought out Jesus.  These were dignified astrologers, and yet when they discovered Jesus, this small, vulnerable child, they fell down and worshipped.  It’s quite the scene to picture!  One might imagine them coming to see Jesus and being less than impressed—I mean, he’s just a child, and born in a barn, to an unwed mother…  But instead, they clearly experienced something about Jesus that caused them to realize this is no ordinary child.  And he wasn’t—he was all of God’s fullness, made flesh and blood.  And for me, the fact that he did choose to be born in such humble conditions, rather than in a palace among the rich and powerful, causes me to worship him more, not less.  Jesus was, and is, pleased to dwell among the ordinary, the poor, the weak.

This kind of seeking, and then having an experience with Jesus, is often how Thais come to believe.  Most Thais worship a variety of gods and idols, and those who have begun worshipping Jesus often talk about how different an experience it is.  They talk about how they feel that God, rather than their idols, is alive, how they feel like Jesus is right beside them as a friend.  While Buddhist spirituality has some positive benefits in the lives of its followers, it lacks a love relationship with God.  In Jesus, they discover a living God pleased to dwell among them.

This first picture is of a typical Buddhist temple, and the second is at one of our combined worship services.  These are three believers from a slum community doing a traditional Thai dance in worship. Read more

This is definitely a change in tone from my last few entries, but I couldn’t pass this up.

I was on the city of Pomona website this evening, looking for pictures I might be able to use in my presentation tomorrow, to illustrate the place that will soon be my home.  I visited the “New Resident Information” page, which is mainly some helpful essential info like how to set up a phone line and locate your local public school.  Then down at the bottom is a list of “frequently called numbers”.  Here it is.  I’m not making this up.

Abandoned shopping cart reporting
Grafitti removal
Illegal dumping reporting
Landlord/tenant disputes
Weed abatement – vacant lots
Fire prevention and complaints
Roaches, rats and vermin
Sewer main back-up
Sanitation special pick-up
Street/alley potholes

Not exactly the best advertisement for your city, Pomona.  But I guess it’s a tactful way of showing me what I’m getting myself into.  Well, I’ve had “roaches, rats and vermin” in my house and sometimes my bed, slum children writing on my walls with whatever they could get their hands on, mounds of garbage floating on the swamp under my house, for five years.  So here I come.  You don’t scare me.

With very brief appearances by me!  Don’t blink, you might miss them.  Several shots of Bangkok, though, and overall a good visual of what Servant Partners is all about.  This is why I’ve had such a crazy life for the past 5 years and why I’m not done yet.  Enjoy.

Servant Partners: Change in Urban Poor Communities

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Servant Partners: Church Planting in Urban Poor Communities

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You may have noticed that my blog has been down for awhile.  After some technical difficulties, I’ve moved to a new server and imported the database, but not the files yet, so most of the pictures aren’t up.  And the look is different (though this might change again).  And there’s some weirdness with the text.  But I’m working on it!  And I’m among the many who have resolved to blog more this year, so you should be hearing more from me in the near future.

Happy New Year!

Okay, here’s one more reverse culture adjustment I’m making.  There’s a sense of entitlement here to do whatever feels right, whatever one wants to do, at any given moment, with no need to weigh the effects of that action on others.  Go with the gut, not with what others might think or feel or suffer as a result.

photo credit: prakhar

“Don’t listen to him, this is your decision.  Do what YOU want to do.  If he really loved you he’d love you enough to let you follow your own heart.”

“(enter name of product here)- for whenever the urge strikes.”

“It’s up to you, you have to choose your own path in life.  I will support whatever decision you make.”

“Go ahead, pamper yourself– you deserve it.”

These aren’t direct quotes from anything, but doesn’t it sound familiar?  I keep hearing things like this on TV dramas, commercials, daily conversation, and they seem to go unquestioned.  The values of being true to yourself and independent have some positive elements.  But there seems to be a widely-held ideal that we are only responsible to ourselves, we should listen to and obey every urge or desire we feel, and we should not pay too much attention to requests or desires of others or we may lose ourselves, not be “true to our hearts.”

Obviously, I’m exaggerating and generalizing some.  But not a whole lot.

On the other end of the spectrum is Thailand.  (No, literally– I saw a spectrum recently that put America and Thailand on opposite ends of the individualism/collectivism spectrum).  I think that if Thais were to make a list and rank who they believed they are responsible for and to, they would put themselves quite a ways down the list.  Family would be number one, followed by the king (though those two might be switched).  Friends, neighbors, patrons would make the list.  They would likely mention their ancestors, their country and culture, Buddha and the idols they worship.

photo credit: munir

In making decisions, it is rare to hear a Thai talk about what they want to do or their “gut instinct”.  Instead they try to balance the effect of the decision on important people in their lives.  There is a word in Thai that we don’t have in English except as a phrase: “grengjai”, or “to be afraid of imposing on someone.”  I think it’s one of the most commonly-used words in their language:

“I wanted to, but I was grengjai”

“No, please, you don’t have to be grengjai.”

“How rude– he wasn’t grengjai at all.”

At first glance this can seem much more gracious, much less selfish than the extreme our culture often goes.  But in the extreme, this aspect of collectivism can be pretty ugly, too.  People really can lose themselves and their boundaries.  Relationships stay surface-level because people don’t want to do the uncomfortable work of conflict and reconciliation.  Bitterness grows as people constantly stuff down what they want for what they feel they “should” do.  Unhealthy compromises are made and abuses suffered.  One person is treated unfairly in favor of another of higher status or closer connection.

Having now lived and adapted to both cultures, I find myself trying to reconcile these extremes.  What in each of these worldviews needs to be redeemed?  What is from God?

So what I’ve come up with is that the most important thing is that we are responsible to God, first and foremost.  Otherwise I become my own god, or people around me become gods.

Jesus does teach us to lay down our lives for others, which is something we Americans could learn a bit about from Thais.  But if this is not as a submitted act of worship to him, it becomes idolatry or moralistic duty.

God also tells us that if we are believers we have the Spirit inside us to guide us, and that sometimes, in obedience to him, we have to do things that are offensive to others.  This comes more naturally to us in the West than those in the East.  But without submission to that Spirit within us, we follow our own broken, diseased, selfish hearts and become our own gods, justifying the destruction we leave in our wake.

It seems to me that from Scripture, the correct hierarchy of responsibility should be first to God, then to others, and finally to ourselves.  After all, we are supposed to think of others as greater than ourselves.  But sometimes we must be like Mary, sitting at Jesus’ feet rather than helping her sister with the meal preparation, or like Paul, confronting those in authority.  How we relate to others and to our own desires must be submitted to God.

This challenges me to be more in prayer.  Because the Thai side of me pulls me in one direction (defer to others, don’t assert yourself too much, figure out what will keep the peace) and the American side pulls me the other (listen to yourself, ignore what others think, go your own way).  But when I’m most connected to God I sense that he is guiding me, and I can be counter-cultural, responsible to him, governed by love.  And he is a much better guide than myself or my perception of those around me.